


mute the voice inside your head

by outlawslikeus



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Depression, Gen, Isolation, Mental Health Issues, Muteness, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23101552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outlawslikeus/pseuds/outlawslikeus
Summary: Jeremy once took the advice “please don’t speak” to heart.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	mute the voice inside your head

**Author's Note:**

> Set in 6th grade. I’ve messed with canon timeline events a bit.

He doesn’t think they mean it maliciously, but still. When he gets told to “please don’t speak,” it hurts. It slices right to the core of his many insecurities. He stands there, gaped mouth and silent for a few seconds, before nodding, and walking away.

And so he just stops. Stops talking. And it’s better. Before, he had been bursting at the seams with everything he was feeling and wanting to say, but only able to form some of them into woefully inadequate words and even fewer of them had made it out of his mouth. But now, now that he doesn’t even bother, it’s better. It’s quieter. He doesn’t have to worry about his voice cracking, doesn’t have to worry about the choked and halting quality to his words. Now, the silence is consuming and comforting.

He supposes he should be concerned that no one has noticed his self-imposed muteness, but it’s merely a passing thought. It’s not really their fault. His father is busy with the divorce, and the last time he saw his mother had been months ago, when she had come to pick up her stuff in a screech of wheels. He caught a glimpse of her before he silently tiptoed up the stairs, back into his bedroom, before the shouting began. He curls up and hides under the covers, his DS Lite illuminating the small world he’s created for himself. He listens to the comforting 8-bit music the tiny speakers output and plays his _Pokémon_ game, as he ignores the tears blurring his vision and the aching loneliness he feels deep within him.

It’s painfully easy to avoid Michael, now that they’re in middle school and they go to different schools, and yeah, they hang out most weekends, but it’s all too easy to text him with a flimsy excuse for why he can’t hang out. He texts back a non committal affirmation to see each other next weekend, but it’s been a month since he last blew off Michael's attempts at hanging out and he doesn't expect another one to come.

No one notices. The teachers call on the overachieving students in class who are always ready with an answer. He turns in his homework and does well on tests, and that’s all he needs to fly under the school’s radar. After all, he’s learned, if a student does fine academically, then there is no concern to be had. The bullies drift to new targets once they realize his lack of reaction to their torment is the new norm, and after weeks of avoiding Michael, he slowly stops texting him. His dad is too caught up in his own world to be concerned with his son, who by all accounts is doing perfectly fine in school. 

No one notices, and it’s all the signs he needs to continue. He drifts through life, and the voices inside his head are finally silent.

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: 2020-07-22: No one told me I just dropped off in the middle of a sentence? Wow, I really do mean it when I say this stuff is barely proofread. It's been fixed.
> 
> Unbetad, so let me know about any spelling/grammar mistakes. Kudos, comments, concrit, feedback, anything you dis/liked, etcetera are appreciated. Drop your favorite line or something in the comments.
> 
> Follow me at [outlawslikeus](https://outlawslikeus.tumblr.com) on tumblr.


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